The Importance of Messy Action

especially if you're a perfectionist like me

I’m writing this in between clearing my throat and stifling sniffles. I’m getting over being sick yet again. This happens when I get immersed in a work hole and forget I’m not only a human, but a different version of human than I was pre-burnout.

There’s a part of me that feels like I have to make up for the slowing down I did in order to recover from a lifetime of overachieving. I assumed that I had built up a reserve of energy since I was “no longer a workaholic” and took an extended break from incessant doing which meant I should be back to 100 (or you’d think). Apparently there is a difference between rest and recovery (will report my findings once I experience it).

But I don’t know if holding myself to the same unbelievable capacity of productivity I had pre-pandemic, pre-burnout is even possible. Another substack comment put it so well: “I am unable to spin even a fraction of the balls I used to keep rotating with ease”. Before I chose to put a halt to it all, I was going so fast and so non-stop that the inertia was carrying me more than any passion or drive was. Autopilot was my lifeline. And now, I find it hard to lace up my shoes because I’m afraid of the fatigue I felt from the last sprint.